Beyond Bucket Lists

                         

Nobody can give me the meaning of life. It is always my life and meaning also has to be mine.  I came across a quote from Mark Twain – The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. I still read it twice and it hits me differently eveytime I read it. I don’t know if I should call myself a hypocrite or if it’s just the midlife crisis kicking in (I am 44 years old now). But these days, I like to spend a lot of time alone but having said that I also need my family and friends around me maybe after a week’s time. I somehow hate going for official work outside Pune if it’s more than one week. I mean that craze of staying in business hotels, enjoying the rooftop dining, those lovely swimming pools and all in different cities have largely disappeared. I have also realized like instead of mindless travel and focusing on visiting more countries (Maybe that used to give ego a certain boost), my entire focus has shifted to quality travel experiences. Maybe that is what triggered my latest visit to Turkey even though I have visited this country in 2011 (During my Wipro onsite days in UK).

I have my bucket list of experiences I am looking forward in life, but I didn’t go with any expectations to Turkey. I never go anywhere these days with any expectations, and the result is quite rewarding. Solo travel can be fun but requires lot of courage. As Osho says - Risk everything for what you love – That’s real courage. I totally agree with Osho. It’s really cool to get out of your comfort zone including the same set of friends and really spend lot of time alone. I don’t know this time when I went to Turkey, on the very first night I felt lonely. I really started missing my family and all. I had last travelled to Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan one year ago. I was solo during that time but maybe the difference that time was on the very 1^st day in Almaty, I got to meet a person from Malaysia and another one from Bangalore. I got along with them very well (Both knew English). I remember we travelled together for 2/3 days. This time I was surrounded by lot of Russians and Chinese backpackers. That “English” thread was totally missing. I barely even heard anyone speaking in English. I collected my emotions and read few pages from Osho’s book which I was carrying. The book was – The fish in the water is not thirsty. Again, an awesome book which says that we are not happy and content with what we have, we barely even check it, use it in its totality but always strive for something bigger. I know this is not a travel blog and what I am writing is going anywhere but I am just allowing emotions to flow. It’s not written to impress anyone or for any kind of appreciation, applaud or anything which nurtures ego. The book gave me a distraction at that point on that evening. They say – Books can be your best friends. So True! My point is as you start growing older, I don’t know but one realizes that one needs a travel companion. It can be a friend, spouse or even a relative. I felt it for a moment but then a thought stuck me – will I really be able to do the things which I wish to do, travel to places which are not Instagram hotspots but some offbeat spots which I like and also the solitude when I sit alone for hours watching a beautiful view or sunset. Absolutely no thoughts in mind, a relaxed body and just witnessing existence. They say meditation happens; one can’t meditate. So true.

Baring couple of initial days I started becoming increasingly comfortable. I stayed in 7 hostels, 1 hotel room and 3 nights on an overnight recliner intercity bus. I was not travelling on a shoestring budget and all, but I like to spend money on experiences. Being a trekker for last 20 years, I can stay in decent hostels on a bunk bed, eat local food and use public transport. I remember when I was hiking in Cappadocia, I used to be alone for hours. Iran- USA war had impacted tourist inflow to Turkey, so the walking trails were not crowded. In case I slipped or anything would have happened to me, no one would have even come to know. At least for a few hours, I lived life dangerously.

Another interesting thing I did this time was not blindly sign for some day tours but to explore most of the spots by hiking. I was happy to miss few places which were just ticked in the box. I choose experience ahead of ticking boxes. I don’t know but I had quite a strange feeling when I looked at Temple of Artemis which was one of the ancient wonders of the world. At one point in time, it was a 127-pillar temple. Now just 1 reconstructed pillar remains. Just 1 reconstructed pillar!

I saw irony of life in that. We earn money, save, accumulate but what might remain generations down the order is practically a big zero. Just look at our family, one by one it starts reducing, people die of old age, some go abroad for better prospects never to come back. Life is always transforming. I did click few photos but only a few. Photos are dead memories after all. You are not the same person tomorrow. The library of Celsus was another eye opener from a different perspective. What happened in this big library now what remains is only these 5-6 pillars. I think there comes a time when one is hardly left with any people around him. Everyone comes in our life for a certain period. They have their expiry date and so do we. The journey continues because existence will always be there. Even if those pillars fall, Ruins will be there, Turkey as a country remains. Before embracing writings/ books of Osho, I was a big fan of stoic philosophers. I realized that stay connected and spent quality time with people whom you love. Be extremely selfish when it comes to your privacy. A time spent doing nothing is worth time spent with wrong people. This genuine solo Turkey trip made me realize that the dopamine hit which one gets from aloneness is far richer.

I have poured my thoughts here, but I think there will always be phases in life wherein you will be all alone. You will be solo. Turkey for instance requires quite a bit of hiking. My wife didn’t join me since my daughter is small, my parents are old so they can’t go hiking and all and some of my friends whom I would have loved to hike had some other commitments. My point is going ahead one will not get “Likeminded people”. The real solo way which I did will be an experience to cherish. There are 365 days in a year. I strongly feel one should spend at least 2-3% of the time solo every year. I don’t know but percentage can go up by 2% every 5 years in my case. My whole point is you will not get like minded people / company in your life beyond a point. Enjoy your aloneness. This was not a travel blog. I was using travel as a mirror to understand ageing, loneliness, freedom, attachment, ego, and solitude. Turkey was just the backdrop — the real journey was internal.

Cheers!